


Unexpected Guests

by sadlikeknives



Category: Kate Daniels - Ilona Andrews, The Iron Covenant - Ilona Andrews
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-14
Updated: 2019-02-14
Packaged: 2019-10-24 05:05:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17698184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sadlikeknives/pseuds/sadlikeknives
Summary: Kate and Erra drop by a castle in the woods for a visit on their way to Grandmother's house.





	Unexpected Guests

**Author's Note:**

  * For [anticyclone](https://archiveofourown.org/users/anticyclone/gifts).



The scouts on patrol had spotted the riders coming in and hurried back to the castle, so Elara was waiting in the bailey when Hugh's task force, which had left a week ago to deal with some sort of giant bird problem in a nearby town that had promised lucrative compensation, came out of the woods, up the road and across the drawbridge into the castle, where other Iron Dogs were already waiting to take the horses away and collect any cargo that needed to be stowed. The procedure was well-oiled by now, as there were always parties of Iron Dogs coming and going. As Hugh put it, someone somewhere always needed something killed or guarded, and quite often, they were willing to pay top dollar for it.

The first thing she noticed was that they were all mounted, when about half of the company had left on foot. For a moment her heart leapt with fear, then she did a rough count--some of them were riding double--and realized there were about the right number of people, it was just that some of them were on strange horses. This number did not include Hugh: Bucky was prancing along at the head of the column, the big white horse (Hugh didn't like it when Elara called him silver, even though she had long since decided it was the more accurate descriptor) clearly excited to be headed back to his own stable, oblivious to the general air of bad humor radiating from his rider and the rest of the human contingent. As they came closer she realized several of the Dogs were also out of uniform, which Hugh never, under usual circumstances, permitted when traveling. Something had gone, if not wrong, then very odd.

As the column came to a halt, Iris dismounted a strawberry roan Elara didn't recognize and informed her that, "That sucked dick. Ma'am."

"That did suck dick," Hugh confirmed as he dismounted beside her.

Elara asked Iris, who was rather bald, "Didn't you have hair when you left?"

"The bitch spat acid."

"The bitch did spit acid," Hugh said, and handed Bucky off to the waiting stable hand. "Also, there were three of the bitch."

"This, all of this?" Iris gestured to the left side of her body. "All of this is new." She turned to Hugh and asked, "Permission to go shower again even though the itching is almost certainly psychosomatic at this point and not, in fact, my skin getting ready to slough off again?"

"Granted. Also, if that happens, please call me."

"Oh, you'll hear me, sir."

Stoyan, who was likewise minus most of his hair and not on the horse he'd had when he left, said, "What she said," and was also granted permission to head straight for the showers.

"So," Hugh said, "the good news is that we got a twenty-five thousand dollar bonus after I got done, shall we say, discussing the matter with the bastard who misled us as to the nature of this job. The bad news is that a good chunk of that is going to go to replacing gear and a couple of horses, because we were _sorely_ misled, and the bitch spits acid. Actually, the horses might turn back up, I don't know; they mostly ran off into the woods because it turns out sensible horses--a group which, you will note, does not include Bucky--are terrified of giant birds that spit acid, which, in retrospect, seems like it should have been obvious." Elara knew that, in truth, the reason Bucky hadn't bolted was that he was a trained warhorse: he might shy away from a butterfly or escape the stable regularly to go romp in the woods, but when the chips were down and giant birds were in the sky spitting acid, he would stand firm no matter what. But Hugh was on a roll. "The really good news is that we somehow had no fatalities. The really bad news is that the job isn't done. Two of the damned birds are still alive, but I decided when the tech wave hit to take the opportunity to regroup. We're in a bit of a hurry, hence the rented horses. We'll head back tomorrow."

Given all of that, Elara really regretted having to tell him that, "Your aunt is here." Hugh's head tilted slowly to the side like a confused, exhausted, magically depleted dog, and Elara helpfully added, "And your sister."

Understanding dawned, and Hugh asked, "What, they just happened to be in the neighborhood?"

"Obviously not, but they wouldn't say what they were here for beyond that it could wait until you got back. They just arrived a few hours ago."

"What if I go back and get spit acid at some more?"

"No," Elara told him.

"She's going to make fun of my horse." It was Hugh, so the tone couldn't be described as 'whining,' but that was still unmistakably what it was.

"Everyone already makes fun of your horse, sir," a passing Iron Dog put in helpfully. "It brings us joy."

"He glows," Elara agreed, and watched Hugh's expression war between outrage and resignation. "Besides, have you seen that donkey of hers? She has very little room to talk."

"What, did she bring it?" Hugh looked appalled.

"It's in our stables right now, but that's not the point. The point is that she's here, and she's your sister, so you're going to talk to her."

"Fine, but I am showering and changing clothes first."

"Agreed."

Hugh stalked off toward the main tower of the keep, and Elara, after only a moment's consideration, followed after to make sure he didn't fall asleep and drown in the shower.

***

Hugh d'Ambray greeted Kate Lennart to his home with, "What the hell are you doing here?"

Kate responded, "What happened to your hair?"

A chunk of it, apparently weakened by stray acid spray, had fallen off in the shower. Hugh had stared at it by the drain for about a minute before his brain started working again enough to decide it didn't matter. He said, "It's all the latest style in Kentucky," and sat down in his usual spot at the table.

Elara followed with a plate with a large sandwich on it, which she set in front of him as she said, " _Yes_ , the others are also eating, except for the ones who are still showering out of paranoia."

Hugh grunted and picked up half of the sandwich. "It's not really paranoia," he said. Some quality of the acid meant the first round of healing hadn't taken right; Iris had not been exaggerating about skin sloughing off. It had been a very exciting time he would like to never have again. "They'll run out of hot water eventually." 

A knock sounded at the door frame, and he looked up to find Johanna leaning into the room. " _Is Stoyan really bald?_ "

" _Stoyan is really bald,_ he confirmed, wondering not for the first time at the way gossip spread around this place, and Johanna disappeared in the general direction of the barracks. Hugh took a giant bite out of his sandwich and raised his eyebrows at Kate and Erra.

"I like what you've done with the place," Erra said. "The fortifications are well done."

They had to know every inch of his defenses by now, so that was just fantastic. He swallowed and asked Elara, "What did I say about letting random visitors wander around the castle unsupervised?"

"They're not random visitors," Elara argued. "They're your family."

"That's even worse." Probably, he thought, she had had Rook watching them, but they'd still _seen_ everything by now.

Erra ignored this and said, "I thought the moat was an interesting choice."

Hugh had his mouth full again, so Elara said, "We've found it to be very effective against the undead."

"Hm," Erra said. "Might slow them down for a minute or two, at least."

When Hugh could speak again he said, "That's all the Iron Dogs need." Kate rolled her eyes, as if she'd never seen the Iron Dogs in action. Well, better she think him egotistical than give away _all_ their secrets. "Again, why are you here?"

Kate waited until he had his next mouthful of his sandwich to say, "We're on our way to Mishmar."

Hugh choked.

When he recovered, the first thing he did was ask Elara, "Good grief, woman, did you never get first aid training? You don't hit someone who's choking on the back!"

Elara told Kate and Erra, "He's fine." Then she turned to Hugh and said, "I was trying to be reassuring."

He ignored that. "What on Earth would you want to go back to Mishmar for?!"

Kate, apparently, had promised her grandmother's ghost that after her father was defeated they would return her bones to the Middle East. After she had explained this while Hugh finished his sandwich, he said, "This is all well and good, but do you understand that your grandmother's bones are what's _holding up_ Mishmar?"

"Yes," Kate said, looking annoyed. "Of course."

"And do you have a plan for that?"

"I'm not sure why you think I would want Mishmar to continue standing."

"I don't care about that; I care about everything _inside_ Mishmar. Such as the vampires. Although," he said, "I suppose if you wait long enough it will just be one vampire." Although it would be one hell of a vampire. "I would recommend hitting the place with a nuclear warhead. Surely Shrapshire can source one that's still functional."

"Christopher said the same thing."

"There you go. Generally when Steed and I agree on something, we're not wrong."

"We don't know what to expect," Kate said. "I mean, we can get in and out with my grandmother's bones, that part's not a problem." She sounded awfully confident of that, Hugh thought, but then again, she had already broken out of the the place twice. "But we don't know what all is in there, besides the vampires. And there's the possibility there are still prisoners alive."

"Unlikely," Hugh said. "Roland usually didn't remember to feed them, and I doubt Nez can even get past your grandmother to the cells."

"But it's possible," Kate said, because she was, at heart, Hugh thought, a hopeless optimist. "Father wouldn't tell me anything. He said I was sure I was smart enough to figure it out myself."

"So you annoyed him first."

"My phrasing might have been less diplomatic than was called for," Kate said, which was the long way of saying she'd annoyed him first. "You're the person who knows the most about Mishmar who will talk to me. Actually, outside of Roland, you're probably the person who knows the most about Mishmar. Except _maybe_ Christopher, and he's more out of date."

She'd probably grilled Steed, too, to compare to what Hugh told her if she had any sense, or maybe she hadn't out of some sense of misplaced delicacy. Hugh sighed and stood. "Step into my office," he said. He had a whiteboard there, and they were going to need it. Diagrams were definitely called for to explain that mess. Also, coffee. Coffee was clearly indicated.

It was a few hours before they were done. Elara was called away for a while, but she returned, probably to make sure there had been no murders in her absence, and at one point Bale had opened the door, his eyes had widened, and he had left again without saying a word, because sometimes Bale could have sense. Not often, but sometimes. But finally, Hugh was done explaining why just letting Mishmar fall the fuck down was a terrible idea, and all Kate had to say was, "You should come with us." Erra nodded agreement.

"Excuse me?"

"I'm sure Grandmother would like to see you."

"I don't think she likes me all that much, actually."

"Nonsense," Erra declared, then she reconsidered and said, "Well, who knows what Im told her, but I'm sure she'll understand when we explain."

Hugh was genuinely curious enough about what this explanation was going to entail that he almost accepted right then, but then Kate said, "She might even give you a sword!"

Hugh blinked a couple of times, and then he understood. He really needed to sleep, he thought. "Is _that_ where it comes from?"

"That is where it comes from," Erra confirmed.

"Well, that's...morbid and oddly fitting for our family."

"You have to feed it sometimes if you don't kill enough vampires," Kate said helpfully, "but the recipe's easy. And you'll need a fish tank."

Hugh didn't know what to say to that, so he just went with, "Saber's not really my best weapon."

The corner of Kate's mouth ticked up in a smirk. "I remember."

"I have a number of questions," Elara announced, but Hugh ignored her. He could explain later.

"As much as I would love to, I can't. I still have a couple of giant birds that spit acid to kill." Kate and Erra leaned forward in their seats, eerily identical hopeful gleams in both their eyes. Hugh sighed and resigned himself to his fate. "Would you like to come with us to kill a giant magic bird that spits acid?"

" _Would_ I?" Erra asked, and then the magic wave hit and Hugh realized they had a problem.

"Where are my saddlebags?" he asked Elara. He'd been distracted enough to let Bucky be led away before he retrieved them, and that had been a very poor move on his part.

She blinked, having to think about it. "I'm sure they were delivered to our rooms." It was a safe enough bet. Some things you didn't have to give instructions for. "Why?"

"Because there's a sample of the acid, which was inert during tech but we weren't really sure how long the container would hold during magic, _in them_ \--" He didn't need to say any more; Elara strode to the door of his office, opened it, and then _stepped_.

"We can continue this conversation in the morning," Kate said.

"We can show ourselves back to the guest quarters," Erra piped up.

"You really can't," he said, gesturing for the Iron Dog who'd been standing sentry outside to escort them, and then said, "Excuse me," and ran off after his wife.

***

The acid had, in fact, managed to eat through its container before Elara got upstairs, but it hadn't finished melting through the contents of Hugh's left saddlebag, and he hadn't been stupid enough to put anything valuable in that one, so he was calling it a win, especially since Elara's magic had proven up to the task of containing the stuff until they could get it to the research lab and pry Johanna away from fussing over Stoyan.

The next morning at breakfast, Erra asked, "When are you two going to get around to giving me some more grandchildren?"

Hugh had been expecting something of the sort since he sat down, due to the evil glint in her eye, and managed not to react, so it was Elara's turn to almost choke. As she coughed, he turned to her and said, "You see, I'm not hitting you on the back, because as odd as it may seem some days, I want you to live." Then he told Erra, "I'm not even going to try to figure out how either of our children would count as your grandchildren, but why on earth aren't you bothering her about this?" He gestured to Kate with his fork, and she shot him a, 'gee, thanks,' sort of look in return.

"She says she has her hands full with the boy."

"He turns into a lion, so I can see how that would be true. Didn't you run off with the girl? Did you get tired of her already?" Where _was_ she, anyway?

"She's practically grown. Stop dodging the question."

Hugh looked to Elara to make sure she was fully recovered from her episode, and raised one eyebrow at her to ask how she wanted him to respond. She gave him a wild-eyed sort of look, and he sighed and turned back to his so-called aunt, the City-Eater, the Rose of Tigris. "As you may be aware, Elara and I both brought enemies into our marriage," he said. "I unquestionably have _more_ , and the two parties do felicitously converge in the person of Landon Nez, but Elara does, unfortunately, have others, the main group of which appear to consider preventing her from reproducing a primary concern. Charming people. They sent a magical suicide bomber to our wedding. And while, of course, I would normally not take them into account while deciding how to live my own life, any child we had would automatically become a target. So that whole discussion's been put on hold until we decide how to deal with them."

"What sort of magical suicide bomber?" was Kate's first question, because of course it was.

"Some sort of Russian nesting _tikbalang_ ," Hugh said, and then explained the mechanism in more detail when she looked puzzled, which excited Erra and Kate both enough that he thought the previous subject had been successfully dodged in favor of diagrams of tactics involving various utensils and the salt shaker until Erra asked Elara,

"What did you say these enemies of yours' names were, again?" She was stirring her coffee, and the way the spoon _chinked_ against the cup was somehow ominous.

"I didn't," Elara said.

"Then please, do tell."

"You're not going to kill a bunch of people to facilitate Hugh and I having children."

"Why not? They'd kill you. And a bunch of innocent guests at your wedding, it sounds like. It's only fair to kill them right back."

Elara looked expectantly at Hugh, and he told her, "I don't know why you're looking at me for support. I've been trying to get enough information to go neutralize this threat for good since the day we got married, and you've been actively preventing me from doing so. You know this."

Elara blinked, and then realized, "I never rescinded that order, did I?"

"You never rescinded that order," he agreed. "It's been very annoying. Are you going to rescind it now?" he asked hopefully.

Elara pretended to think about it, then said, "No."

"Right. Remember that you did this." Hugh turned to Erra and told her, "I can't promise you grandkids, but I can tell you this much: they're called the Remaining and they live in Louisiana. Best of luck."

Erra turned to Kate. "I know where we're going after Mishmar."

"You can pick Julie back up from wherever you left her for that," Kate said. "I have to go home before my kid tears down my house. Are you really going to leave your hair like that?"

Hugh had considered visiting the barber this morning, but then he'd considered the very real possibility he was going to lose more hair to giant bird acid before this was over, so he asked Kate, "Why? What's wrong with it?" and then, as she struggled to format a comeback, or possibly to select one from the list, asked Elara, "Did Johanna figure out how to neutralize that acid yet?"

"Not yet. I'm afraid you're going to have to fight the birds the old-fashioned way."

Because that had been so much fun the first time.

"Doesn't this town have ballistae?" Kate asked. "That seems like it should solve the problem quickly."

"You're used to the city," Hugh told her. "A lot of small towns around here bought ballistae and then never had to use them, so they just...sat there and rusted." Kate's expression matched exactly what Hugh thought about _that_. Berry Hill would never have that problem so long as he drew breath, but they had encountered it again and again. If he still had over two thousand Iron Dogs he could take over this entire region and rule it as king within a month. Hell, he probably still could, if he really wanted to, but he didn't want to.

They spent the rest of breakfast discussing the birds, then Hugh gave the visitors fifteen minutes to get their things and join them in the courtyard or get left, an ultimatum that earned him twin scornful looks.

After a quick detour by his office, Stoyan and Lamar fell into step with him in the corridor. "They're coming with us?" Stoyan asked.

"They're coming with us."

"Well, this should be...fun."

"It should definitely be something, anyway," Hugh said.

"Are you going to Mishmar?" Hugh stopped and pivoted to look at him, and Stoyan just shrugged. "Elara said something to Johanna when she handed over the acid."

The way gossip traveled in this place was amazing. "I don't see how I'm not going to Mishmar," he admitted.

"We'll keep the castle standing until you get back," Lamar promised solemnly.

"Please do," he said. "Also, I appreciate your faith that I am coming back from Mishmar."

"Well," Stoyan said, philosophical, "you have every other time."

"There is that." As they stepped out into the courtyard, he realized, "That's _my horse_."

"No," Erra said calmly as she stepped out of one of the other doorways. "That's my horse. I stole him from Kate fair and square."

"And Curran took him off you as spoils of war," Kate kindly reminded him from where she was already perched atop that ridiculous mammoth jenny of hers.

"That's your horse," Erra said, gesturing to Bucky. "Tell me, are you a virgin? Is that what the holdup on my grandchildren is?"

Hugh sputtered incoherently for a moment before deciding to not even dignify that with a response. But he did have to protest, "He is _not_ a unicorn."

He was going to find out who asked, "Are we still pretending that?" and give them every piece of scutwork for a _month_. He had his suspects.

"He doesn't have a horn," Lamar supplied helpfully. "Everything _but_ the horn..."

"You're fired," Hugh told him.

"No, I'm not."

Elara had come to bid them goodbye, and he wound one arm around her waist and told her, "No respect. I get no respect."

"Your life is very difficult," Elara agreed, laughter in her eyes. She kissed him, her magic cool like a blessing against his mouth. "Go and come back."

"Right," he said, and stepped away from her to swing up into Bucky's saddle. He raked an appraising gaze over his assembled troops. He'd decided early on in this escapade to, if he got an opportunity, come back to the castle and swap out some of his personnel for those more suited to facing the actual threat, and he was pleased to see that despite the fact that he'd been closeted in an impromptu family reunion for much of the previous evening, his plans had been relayed and executed. Stoyan was efficient like that, even if he was currently taking rather his sweet time about saying goodbye to Johanna and mounting up. "Iron Dogs!" he called. "Let's go make some money."


End file.
